Monday, September 22, 2008


The word "majority" is a silly word when it refers to a person's coming of age--the age of voting, pornography, beer, and other meaningless pleasures. When I was twelve, I said: I've reached the majority of my majority. Gimme some titty-mags and a Sam Adams.

True story.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Rhinoceroses, Rhinoceri, or Rhinocerontes? Discuss.

Also, Octopuses, Octopi, or Octopodes?

Side note: did you know that an octopus's slit-like pupils re-orient themselves with the motion of the octopus so that they are always horizontal? How creepy is that?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Words have different meanings to different people

For a pothead, "enhancing the trip" means going stargazing. For a businessman, it means renting a whore after the big summit meeting.

Monday, August 25, 2008


So today I was in line at the DMV for about an hour and a half, getting my license renewed. Somewhere about half an hour in, a guy said: "license renewed this way" and I perked up, but said: "what if I have to get an eye test." He said "that line," and pointed, I thought, to the line I was in already. But when I got to the front of the line, the woman (who looked like she'd been inflated with one of those helium pumps they get at expensive childrens' birthday parties (that's the birthday party that's expensive, not the child...although him too, I guess), said: you could have come around and we would have processed you right away. N.B. for next time: if that's the case, I want you to lie to me so I feel like that hour of my life had meaning.

See Below

See Below